I seek revenge…

A touch that is gentler than the breeze when it touches the locks of my hair….

A smile thats sweeter than honey it heals the pain of my soul…

Words that warm the heart
Voice that melts away all doubts

Thats all I had asked for Once apon a time…..

I got hate in return
Dreams were tramppled on
Wishes died
I cried until the tears dried
Then I stood up from my broken state
And Moved on.

Now I all I want is revenge
For every tear that i shed
For every night that i spent struggling in pain…. for every scar that never healed
For every wound that didnt get sealed..I seek revenge.

#shezback#
Written by
Simaya Raza

Dedication to My children…

I didn’t sacrifice my dreams for my kids…
I didn’t sacrifice my kids for my dreams…

I held them both together and made it to where I am today….. the struggle was hard..the path was rough but I never gave in no matter how tough…

There are days we cried…a few dreams also died..but maybe they were never meant to be. Where I stand today

..I must say…at one point  I was a mother at another I became the child of my kids…. we grew up together facing every storm that passed by…..

May be thats why…. today we are as we seem to be…THE BEST OF THE BEST.


Simaya

Glory Be to You…

There is so much to thank for to Almighty God..So much that this life time is not enough….

If the seas combined to become Ink..if the trees combined to become paper…it will still not be enough to write down my appreciation.

Glory be for You ..who gave us the gift of life..Honour be to You who Judges us not by our deeds but treats us with Mercy.

Glory be for You whose Abundance and Mercy has no limit and is not confined to just a few but all.

Glory be for You who is Quick to forgive and slow to punish… Whose Grace is such that our sins look like tiny particles that when comes in touch with your forgiveness..we are cleansed as if we were born today.

Glory be You who calls us to His Kingdom despite our sins … Glory be to You who listens to us even when we have so much yet we run out of what to say…..

Glory be to You who cant bear to see us in Pain even when we have transgressed…..

Glory be to You for Everything that we had..that we have and that which is in store for us..for Your Plans are the Best…. Glory Be to You. Amen

Simaya

In Nothingness..but at Ease

Even the deafening silence has gone mute….the emotions have lost motion…Tears are struggling to flow but they got no reason….

The brain is like a widow crying over her dead thoughts… The heart has shattered into uncountable pieces…the soul is like a wounded caged lioness untouchable untamed.

Even in death there may not be ease..for I hear the Grave will squeeze…so where do I go where I can rest in peace in Nothingness but at ease…….

Confused Silence…

I don’t know what I am going through..it is like a cross connection between confusion and silence…both seemed to have attacked me at once.. at the same time I am fighting the fear of loosing my stability. I do believe in God …He is always there and I have never Questioned His Mercy or Grace for that matter. The biggest problem is on my side… I have become so quiet that the silence is deafening for me. Those around me don’t spare a single moment to drive me crazy. I So badly want to flip..scream and break everything but an unknown force seems to be holding me back …. I am so numb …and reaching out to humans is like a bad joke …. sometimes I also feel like my body and my being have divorced… I am exhausted but I cant stop moving..I love sollitude but I always seem to end up in the crowd that is in my head. I know its passing phase but honestly I am so tired and at this very time…I have no one to talk to ..not even myself… I stand in the middle of no where staring at nothing experiencing the Confused Silence.

Lost…..

I stand in the middle of nowhere..wondering “now what?” Gripped in the clutches of fear…helplessly I stare wondering “oh hell…now what?”.

Far from home that was my base, passing alone through a crazy phase..its like watching the lazy approach of crisis ..wanting to run..not knowing where to go…this is now even friends look like foes.

Everyone is lost in their own race…not aware of what we chase… emotions entangle confusing my sanity… Who do I turn to that i can confide in….?

Is this that time that was predicted? The end that had to come? Then why while some are perishing..others are being born?

Unanswered Questions linger in my mind…as my soul staggers to keep up…I want to stand straight and I also want to fall…. what should I respond to… which is the right call?

Simaya

Becoz..He never Understood…

When he first smiled …. her heart skipped a beat….when he locked his gaze with hers, she felt the rising heat… His touch changed her mood..but he never Understood….

He was the first Man ever…she loved with her entire being, the first man ever she had ever seen..in ways that were even beyond the normal being… he wasn’t yet he was in the hood….But he never Understood..

She loved him to bits..her heart grew feet..that followed him wherever he went…that stood by him in Sunny days and rain…but he never Understood.

One day she walked away…because she was breaking to pieces..watching him distant himself from her..he watched her leave …he made no move..coz he never Understood.

she gave in her best and wanted nothing in return…she was ever in prayers to shield him from pain…but in vain..for in his eyes she was like danger.. that he feared …she tried to defend herself…but he never Understood.

She couldn’t forget..the day they soaked in the rain out of pure love for nature..the day she fell asleep in his arms and he held her close..the days they talked from dusk to dawn…the days they walked from village to town… In memories she has lived…hoping he would return.. but adamant he stood…just because…..HE NEVER UNDERSTOOD.

Simaya.

My heart still utters your name…

In every eyes that looked at me
I searched for your gaze….in vain

In every voice that I heard talking to me
I searched for your voice..in vain

No tree replaced the one that we sat under soaking like young kids…

No touch replaced the one that had once formed a shield around my being..

Endless tears I have shed..hoping to get rid of your memories but in vain

Years have passed…. even age seems to be like a forgotten game…yet when I sit by the window.. my heart still utters your name.

Simaya

Poets dnt cry..they bleed on paper

Poets don’t cry..they bleed on paper..every drop of blood becomes a verse…every verse tells a story…

To the world it becomes a master piece …The wrung out pain of a broken heart….who knows of agony hidden within but the one hurting.

The readers praise the ability of a writer…and admire the writing… if only they knew how stormy it gets…how fatigue filled is the phase…

Seated by the tomb of the heart…recalling the slow death of every unfulfilled dream…turning the silent tears to words for the world to be entertained.

Simaya

Dear Son…..

its almost midnight…. but looks like slumber has shut its doors tight on me… yeah fear has been my faithful companion and today its like she was sent by the devil himself to lure me into her grip.

I fear the dissapointment  That i will see in ur eyes…I fear the hurtful words you will hurl at me. I raise your hopes then end up failing you and making you hate me even more…but my dear son if only you knew ..the pain i go thru is endless

Your sharp words and the pressure you put on me forces me to lie
but its a burden i can carry no more..
pls dnt force me to want to die.

I am breaking from inside for failing you
but I dunno how to tell you
your endless demands are killing me like slow poison.

When will this cycle of pretence end
I wish for once you would understand
your demands weigh me down
they break my self esteem

please dnt push me to opt for the worse
Dnt force me to curse…..

Simaya

SLOW DEATH

For the first time in a long time fear has grabbed me by my forelocks

I who give hopes to all…today i feel shattered
shaken by the ugly blow that hit my guts

I dnt feel strong..I want to break into a million pieces … I am tired… I am afraid.

no i wont kill myself but I accept that i feel frightened…

The mask behind which i hid my pain is slowly wearing out….

am tired of lying to myself… to those around me abt my situation
.
hell no i am not.fine .
I am breaking in installments…

all alone i stand in this war zone within me
seeking relief but I dunno where to go.

Simaya

MY RETURN

So there is power is Love..it can bring back the dead to life… metaphorically speaking.

Out of the blue I searched for you becoz you barged into my dreams,

Only to see the shock on your face..the disbelief in your eyes.

But Just the way you had been searching for me..I!was searching for you…

Just the way!I had cried with my face hidden in the pillows …maybe so did you.

Time stood still and I remembered the way you looked at me the first time we met

The moments we shared…the way we cared…then abruptly it was Gone

Years later on a dusty pavement I found myself all Alone

A hope lingered that maybe I did cross ur mind… just the way you crossed mine.

Well I am glad to know…that You looked for me..despite being told I no longer exist..am glad you still held on to the thought… Ur tears earned….My return.

Simaya

Leave madness for the fools

It is so easy to say..don’t react when everything gets crazy around you… it is so easy to say …stay calm when problems hit on you without installments..

Yet there is nothing better than a silent mind …in the midst of an endless turmoil.

There is nothing better than being calm when everything goes chaotic.

These are phases that come and go, where there is high there is low, what comes will also go

So why worry why create blunder and cause pain? Don’t you realise there is alwayz a bright rainbow after the stormy rains?

The wheel of fortune moves in cirles…it goes round and round…sometimes a visitor to silence and other times to sound.

So in times of toughness and in the midst of roughness…all u got to do is stay cool….. leave the madness to the fools.

Simaya

Deception failed

I am glad I trusted my intuition and my ability to catch lies saved me from the biggest mistake of my life.

This is a story of Ria Roy who was a widow. She was beautiful and rich but not so lucky in terms of love relationships. All the men that approached her were either too young searching for a sugarmummy or too old looking for a side kick. Ria was tired of all this nonsense yet it seemed like an endless task.

As a woman I can relate to her frustration because at middle age surely no man in his twenties would show you interest based on love if there was no selfish motive involved.

Unfortunately some women get caught up and end up getting hurt ..as if thats not enough..they also get highly embarrassed.

I wonder what men get by playing with our emotions…. why cant they just grow balls and earn their own money rather than messing with an elder persons emotions?

I wonder what a middle age woman finds attractive in a man half her age? Well who am i to judge..but seriously how foolish can one be?

Ria Roy decided to take revenge… there was this one man or so he thought..told her he was in love with her..she played along and her intuition kicked in when he said he wants to marry her but she should help him start a bussiness so that he can tend for her.

Alright agreed..but now when he started placing endless conditions that didnt make sense, she put a stop to the entire episode.

He came.thinking he would intimidate her only to find out she was one hell of a crazy woman.

She blew his facade in the gentlest way possible though with no sympathy. he tried to defend himself but failed and she sighed with relief when he walked away…..

That was a narrow escape and she was glad when it finally ended.

Simaya

Smell of Death…..

While you watch your soul drifting…those that are around you are heard screaming with fear…others uttering the last prayer…

Unless if you are among those ..who are alone..with no one by your side….a strange fragrance gives u jitters ..your being trembles with fright

But why i wonder, should one be afraid when you very well know you are going back home?

Maybe Back home you have nothing to take….maybe all your life you have wasted in being fake

In that case your soul feels afraid … or ridden by guilt and shame

But shall We remind ourselves that home is home no matter what the case..this world is an illusion that is just a passing phase

To those that have simply been chasing dreams and leading lives that are nothing short of fake….. They will surely fear the smell of death.

Simaya.

COBWEBS

Eyes dnt lie….
liars dnt cry….
I am the same yet a stranger …
coz I returned as an Evenger.

Words are my shield
in this field
of emotional war

It’s pay back time…
so I have returned…
stronger, bolder and prettier

Hate is outdated
but revenge is fate
all I am.waiting 4
is u to fall in my bait.

Then I shall show you
the eerie reality of cobwebs
that You always failed to clean!

Simaya Raza

The Joy of being acknowledged…..

I feel utterly speechless..simply bound to the beautiful feeling of bliss that touches me when you cross my mind.

I was once so afraid but now i dnt seem to care..i am prepared to take the risk..to write a story that will create sensations within the society that hangs on to senseless myths of cultural differences..

I want to rise above the caste..color and age taboo that had been plaguing our society for centuries causing hearts to forcefully compromise ..well not anymore.

My love story will be different… as long as he is with me and above all God is by my side…. if Zulekha could pray to God for Joseph …I can pray as well…

I want to be the Eve for my Adam… I want to be the Blood that pumps my lover’s veins…

There is so much more to life than the indifferences that we struggle with …I want to breakthrough and write a story of my Own…..

When the heart has a Mind of its own…..

Every logic stops making sense , the veins in my heart begins to dance….

The brain is stern..but the heart stays firm…both are adamant…both so stubborn…

The brain says ..there is pain…the heart says lets love again…

the brain says its all in vain…the heart says..shut up you stupid brain…

the war is on ..all references from the past are gone…

Finally the brain surrenders for the Heart is adamant with a mind of its own.

Simaya

Predator…

The stench of hypocrisy is so strong, Everything about you feels wrong…

Why do I feel like you are hidden behind a thousand masks…..your motive doesn’t feel right.

Your words too good to be true …. i cant connect..Everything you say seems to be a lie.

I wonder how you pretend so well..justifying the errors you make…

You Always centralize your feelings..forcing it to be the one to be applicable..

Everyone else can be wrong..but you always want to be the Mr.Perfect ..no matter what it takes…

You tend to draw out the worse from with me…for I can sense your pretence…your lies..your deception

You use the term love as the curtain behind which your true identity resides…

And I have seen it..I feel it…I!know you are predator out to kill.

SIMAYA